Tuesday, September 9, 2014

An open letter to Ray Rice

Dear Ray,

You play football pretty well, but this video shit needs your attention.

I don't know you, Ray... and I hope that this video business has shown you that your story to the NFL involved a slight perception discrepancy between something that "might have gotten a little out of hand"...and a Mike Tyson One-and-Done-Go-To-Sleep-Haymaker to a petite young beautiful woman who certainly couldn't defend herself against the likes of you.

And by hope... I really mean that we've been dependent on TMZ, of all respected news outlets, to enforce the reality of your actions upon you...due to your inability to remember "knocking her the fuck out"...not sure how that could have escaped your sense of heartfelt integrity and memory when you spoke to Emperor Darth Goodell, but your charm seemed to have worked.  I'm also glad to high heaven you hadn't told him you did something really bad like beat the living hell out of a woman you supposedly loved...because that probably would've meant she'd be dead.

Get some help please.

Mrs. Rice, please stop the madness...everyone else is done putting up with violence against women...perhaps you should be too...stats aren't in your favor babe...if you want to remain as pretty as you are.  He could change, but if you believe that, you could convince us of your deep seated faith and love in your husband by volunteering at the battered women's shelter for a few months...

Sincerely,
the Caddy

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