Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ante Up

Today, I've had to do several things that I hate.  First and foremost, I had to push a project out two weeks.  I had to admit that it was my responsibility, and that my shortcomings within the project are the direct reasons we have to postpone our presentation.  I also had to eat some responsibility for others, who aren't capable of doing it for themselves...call it falling on the sword, or whatever you like...but the only proper way to perform the action is not telling anyone that's what actually happened...(even in a blog technically speaking).

I have to believe today, that I demonstrated leadership, and solid character...even if it was by my own failure to do so, that got me here.

I have to believe that, because if I didn't, I'd spend the rest of my life lying, cheating, and being a teflon shield for responsibility.

I have to believe, because I would be very, very good at that...avoiding ultimate responsibility.  A million excuses invade my mind everyday...explaining away my guilt and proving my innocence for every situation.  Whether I'm stuck in traffic, picking up my children 15-20 minutes late, or being 5 minutes late to a conference call...or not getting the trash out to the curb, or mowing the lawn.  My mind is a heavily armed juggernaut of a defense firm, ensuring that I can float through any given day, justifying my existence.

However, character is the substance of your being, who you are when nobody else is looking...alone, in the dark.  Leadership is being able to accept the honest blame, and to choose to take the rest of the blame, in order to push a higher purpose forward.  There will be time to discuss the responsibility of others, but the leader takes the first hit, and they insulate their team...at first.

There are days that you win, by losing.  This is that day for me.  I did not lie.  I did not shirk.  I accepted the blows due me and possibly others.  I thanked them for the opportunity to get the hell beat out of me.......and I think I walked away a winner by doing it without uttering a word...except to you.

Honestly, I just wish my dad were here to see it.

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